As many of you are aware, I am seventeen years old. I began blogging at the terribly awkward age of fourteen, and have thrown myself wholeheartedly into Lace & Lilacs over the course of the past three years.
The thing is… I have a bit of an insecurity about it. My age is what I’m referring to, naturally. I’m much younger than the average blogger, at least those I follow at the moment. There are a few rare exceptions, of course, all of whom are extraordinarily talented. But again, they are exceptions.
It’s difficult to be taken seriously, when you’re young, and being treated as an equal seems to be out of the question entirely. Perhaps some of this in all in my head; who knows?
I also tend to feel uncomfortable interacting and collaborating with adults, out of fear. What if I unintentionally disrespect them? I’ve always been uncertain about addressing bloggers over the age of thirty by their first names… shouldn’t I be calling them by a formal title; Ms./Mrs./Mr? I know that I am nearly – technically – an adult, and I’ll be independent quite soon (yet another insecurity: being a full year younger than my peers… let’s not get into that…), but will I be treated as one? An adult, that is? My mind is constantly bursting with ideas, such as my choice in college, the recent podcast Lucy-Claire and I launched, my new style category… but suppose I have it all wrong? Suppose my ideas are actually ridiculous; suppose people over the age of twenty-five take one glance at my portfolio and laugh hysterically, or even worse, croon ‘oh, how cute!’ in a condescending tone?
I’m honestly not one to fool around, goof off, or ‘talk the talk’ without taking action. I’ve dreamt of studying abroad since I was five. This past year I managed to transform fantasies into reality. I could not provide the financial means, of course (thank you parents, I love you!), but I did the research, I discovered the school, I filled out the application, I compiled a portfolio, I partook in a phone interview, I applied to Campus France, sought out roommates, scheduled a visa appointment, made phone calls, purchased liability insurance… My point is, I am very capable.
But I am young, and inexperienced, and maybe even a bit arrogant at times. Aren’t all teenagers?
I’m also freaking terrified.
This is a tough age; I’ll be the first to acknowledge that. I don’t know who I am; I don’t have a place in this world. I’ve heard that no one does, truly, regardless of their age. And I believe it, but they appear to have it all together, you know?
Well, these are just a few ‘lil thoughts of mine. Feel free to contact me with your honest opinions.